The Baby Boom Go Go Bar, Pattaya, by Duncan Stearn, Pattaya One

This is a Go Go bar review from the Nightmarch editorial by Duncan Stearn in Pattaya One Magazine. Find the full PDF version of Pattaya One Magazine here.

A diet of hard tak and tacky:
The Baby Boom go go in the small lane off Soi Buakhow and opposite the Sawasdee sleeping establishment opened about a year ago and, somewhat surprisingly, is still operational. I doubt they have a lot of repeat business unless the odd punter falls in lust with a specific damsel in financial distress. This is not a place where you would imagine customers become regulars.

The décor has been drawn from the low end of the Early Garish Period and is already showing more wear and tear than a clapped out Skoda on the Paris to Dakar rally. The music, of course, is too loud and seems to consist of DJ Whatta Spastic and his Brain Dead Band performing 69 different mixes of their hit ‘What Sound is this?’ (as high as 9,733 on the Kazakhstan charts, with a bullet and a suicide bomber).

The dancing maidens numbered about eight or nine, so I suppose having three on stage at any one time is about the right rotation rate. To be fair, the place does have a couple of reasonable lookers and the girls are friendly enough in that ‘buy me cola, darkling’ way so obvious in a Thai-run wallet emptying establishment.

There were a few punters in the place and I watched as one older man clearly had a good time with one of the damsels. While he was paying for his drinks (including libations for the lady) the mamasan was all smiles and unctuous smarm, but he clearly didn’t leave a big enough tip because as soon as he had left the premises she almost snarled as she uttered the immortal word ‘keenio’ (‘cheap Charlie’).

The bench seating against the side wall facing the small dancing stage must have been purchased from the Rigor Mortis company from their used coffin division, or perhaps taken from the grounds of the Million Years Stone Park. It would make a third-class carriage seat in a State Railways of Thailand bogie seem like you being conveyed on a cushion of air. Talk about adding a new meaning to ‘hard assed’.

There’s a wonderful word called ‘denature’, which means ‘to deprive of essential qualities’, and Baby Boom can certainly lay a strong claim to being the number one ticket holder in the Denature Club.

All Pattaya Nightspots here.

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